Lions B.A.M.F Pool

We welcomed The New Old England into what people are starting to call the mecca of pool and huge numbers made the pilgrimage, we had our best turn out of the season, so big calls were needed. Pressure is a privilege and everybody wanted the smoke, it was whether we could handle it.

They took the first frame so in went the lion’s very own George Best, our boy Phil. He was out the traps like a greyhound taking a dominating lead making the match all but a certainty. After some tactical back and forth Phil had had enough, he’s a new man, he can’t be taking ages on a frame, so he said “Hold my beer” and cleared up to make it 1-1

Wayne has recently been letting his mouth do all the heavy lifting, and next up was him to grace the felt, to finally let his pool do the talking. This was a quick one, how long? 4 mins or 8 fredos depending on which tariff you use. It was a demolition, man devoured him like some hors d'oeuvres at an all inclusive in Tenerife. Not even close. Might all the hype we hear be true? Is Wayne beatable? Yeah, but not tonight, 2-2

Dom was given a day release from the retirement home, and once again he showed us that age is just a number, an absolutely massive number that is. The match was the usual exhibition of skill you’d get expect of a man with so much wisdom and experience. It ended on a knife edge with a black ball game that no one wanted to win. Manners are free, otherwise these two would be rich men, no you win, no you win, no I insist. But in the end Dom remembered where he was, and potted it to make it 3-2.

They took the next frame but next was the man known as “The Truth”. Tommy “The Truth” B is having the best season of his career, streaking away from everyone when it comes down all to the available stats and this was no exception. His opponent couldn’t handle the truth, with Tommy just casually taking control of proceedings. Tommy took the frame and their guy left knowing the truth hurts and that’s the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. 4-3.

Sam decided mind games were needed to get a few extra wins to cement the prestigious Rookie of the Season accolade, so he rocked up with a questionable, borderline arrestable moustache. They didn’t have a 9th so we had already a win, but I didn’t tell Sam that because did you see that moustache? I work in a school, if anyone saw me talk to him I’d have to renew my DBS. But Sam thrives on that pressure, and he handled it with aplomb in another game that was never in doubt to make to 5-3 and then 6-3🔥🔥🔥

A great win showcasing our strength in depth, if we keep going in this direction we'll be near the top next year. Trust

NEXT FIXTURE: Away vs Bulldog 4/6

Whatever you believe the report does exist. An illness was sweeping across BS5 over the last week, cup fever was everywhere. Every man, woman, and child were talking about the derby. No, not Rovers vs City, not El Classico, it was the local cup game between The Lion and The Stillage that was infecting the people. They turned up with a swagger that comes from being near the top of Div 3, and we wanted to let them know there is nothing between us, well…except about 20 places in the league, but other than that, nothing.

First out of the blocks was Phil, by his own slurred request, and boy was it a right call. The game took ages, but unlike the usual tactical masterclass, this was an advert for BPL and the quality entertainment it provides on Wednesday nights! It was a great start from 2 pint Phil, showing a new approach, quickly throwing up his V.A.G.I.N.A system, and getting down to it. Scintillating stuff. After being given 2 shots, 2 pint Phil was brimming with confidence, so he took aim at a Hollywood double. This caused the crowd, but mainly the ref, to turn into a poor man’s Michael Flatley. But 2 pint Phil didn’t flinch, he knows what’s what, and took the frame to make it 1-0.

They took the next 3 frames in razor thin fashion, so it was up to me to try and bring it back. This frame reminded me of a famous lie told to children about a hare and a tortoise. I started the race quick, potting the majority of my colours in one visit. Then after some chess moves, one total call even required the old white being used as a guide, really professional refereeing mind, I was given a chance to end it. Instead, I rattled the black. As the story goes, the tortoise slowly brought it back with some silky play, but a poor positional shot on the black left him a decision. This is why a tortoise will never win a race, Do you think tortoises know about cut breaks? What tortoise do you know that has 7 balled anyone? Exactly! They made the wrong decision and left the black over the pocket, and left what some would say was an unmissable pot, which I sank. Never in doubt. 2-3.

They took the next 2 to take the match 2-5 in a close fought game that shows we can mix it with anyone in all 4 divisions. It does mean more in house tournaments, so every cloud init.

Next fixture: 28/5 Home vs The New Old England

Numbers were low which is a shame since we are quality outfit when we turn up, and boy did we turn up in style. Shaun’s new whip is tidy bit of kit. Cream interior. Wallunt dash. Boot full of Pepsi. Lovely stuff

So it was up to Bulters balls in BSthirtyFuckoff and once again we were given a guard of honour, turns out Drew would have drank for free, since the man with no chin was also a bellend to the late Dave Butler RIP, so his daughter was more than chuffed to have the people's champions turn up. We might not be winning frames, but we are winning hearts.

"You can't win if you don't know how to lose"
"To feel the highs, you have to experience the lows"
"The night is always darkest before the dawn"

NEXT FIXTURE: Home vs Stillage 21/5 – Cup match

The Tiananmen square tank man, the toppling of Colston’s statue, the collapse of the Berlin wall. Now the Bristol Pool League has its very own moment, and we were the catalyst for change. The lion – AKA the people’s champion – were on 2 win streak, well 3 depending on how you look at it, so we were looking to make it 4. The mighty plough laid the red carpet out for us, clambering to meet the guy that beat the guy…and boy were they happy to hear about it.

They took the first 4 frames in close fashion, but mainly with a decent slice of luck. Things were looking bleak. Next up was me to attempt to halt the onslaught. After some awkward shots and dark arts, their guy potted the white with the black and ended the shitshow. In the post match interview I was asked “What would you be if you weren’t good at pool?” my reply was “A virgin” 4-1 comeback on!

Trent was the next lion into the pit and his presence was felt instantly. The opponent was trembling with fear and fouled off the break, which left Trent with free reign. Top Coach Trent didn’t put a foot wrong all match, well to be fair he only had one visit before matey shit the bed and pocketed the black early doors, but what a visit it was. 4- 2 and they were beginning to look shaken.

They then took then next 3 games to make it 7-2, a scoreline that doesn’t reflect how close it could have been.

NEXT FIXTURE: 14/5/25 Away vs Butlers Balls

The people were gagging for the next Red Lion pool fixture, but not just us warriors, even the wider public was also chomping at the bit to find out what will happen next in this action packed season. We welcomed the playoff chasing Star II into the Den Wednesday night, and it was a barnstormer!!!!

It turns out we are the talk of the town, the Star were very keen to find out who was encouraged last week, when they were told they were very pleased. We might not be winning the league, but we are winning hearts, we are the people’s champion.

They took the first frame, and it was looking like a tough nights work ahead. It turns out that Seb is getting fed up with all attention he is receiving, being in the limelight is causing him to have a complex. So obviously to be more incognito he rocks up in a tank top, guns out, and then pulls off what is known in the trade as a “cocked hat”, possibly the best finish on black this season. Needless to say, the crowd went wild. Women want him, men want to be him. 1 -1

They took the third frame to make it 1-2, so it was up to everyone’s favourite driver to get us back on level terms. The chess match was tense but good play meant it was a formality. Wayne, after breaking his seal, has turned into a prime Efren Reyes, putting up numbers that anyone would be proud of…well not anyone, some of us are doing better, but still good none the less. A quality win. 2-2   

Tommy once again had places to be, so like a giraffe he stuck his neck out, and played next, but he didn’t just deliver, he did lamb chicken and fish. A blink and you’ll miss it situation. All of Tommy’s games times combined this season are just over 50% of one of Phil’s. With this win Tommy has put him top of the MVP standings and a step closer to the coveted title. 3-2

Shaun’s frame started with his opponent going on a run and it looked like Shaun had one foot in the grave, little did they know that is his sweet spot. A trademark whirlwind visit flipped the frame on its head, leaving the opposition in a daze, then whilst he had the standing 8 count, Shaun potted the black emphatically to land the knockout blow. If you thought the result would be anything else, you’re a schmuk 4-2

They took the next frame but we were on the hill, and it was Deej on next, and he was mustard. Once he hit his flow, the balls were under his spell, bringing it home with no doubt from anyone. The black went down, followed by a victorious roar, and an embrace with his youth, heartwarming stuff. In the heat of the moment Deej forgot to acknowledge his opponent. Imagine missing the chance to shake the hand that has shook God knows what. 5-3 and the crowd went wild.

In the last frame I took to the table and played the away team’s mole, a kiddie that pops into the lion regularly, and has never said he is on the Star team…now we know. So after being given 2 shots my mind blanked and I couldn’t remember my colour. After getting a cryptic clue from Gary, I chose the wrong colour. Using the rage from my stupidity, I started banging in yellows and I left a standard pot on the black only for it to rattle, The gasps turned into laughter, then disappointment, but luckily the mole wasn’t up for winning, so I took the victory instead. 6-3

So some people were not happy. The best players should be taking pressure games. But what people don’t realise is that every one of us is a champion, every one of us can beat anybody, every one of us is a fucking legend. Believe. This is the Lion's Den

NEXT FIXTURE: 7/5/25 Away vs the Mighty Plough. (Not that one)

When you think of epic bouts you think the Thriller in Manilla, the Rumble in the Jungle, and now the Matchday in Patchway can be added to this list of classics.

Beforehand I said I wanted to play their old captain, a guy that I see at the meeting each month. Unfortunately that didn't materialise, but more on this prick later.

They took the first 3 frames with some solid play, showing why they are unbeaten since November, well in pool that is. I'm guessing their box rec stats aren't that great.

Phil backed up his win from last week with another action packed chess match. You know one of those great match ups where you just don't want it to end…this was the opposite of that. A 10 min delay for a total call which was tighter than a prison zoot, but we know Phil feeds off thinking time. Great win, he's back!!! 3-1

They took the next 2 and the win in some more close encounters. The numerate amongst us realise that 5-1 doesn't add to nine, and in more mathematical madness there was actually an unofficial 10th round.

So the first rule of pool club is you don't talk about pool club…but sometimes you have to give the people what they want.

So their old captain was spoiling for a scrap all night, he had already got one of his own team by the scruff of the neck against a wall, let's say he wasn't making good decisions.

As soon as we got there he made an ignorant/borderline racist reference about Craig David, which in the end turned out to be great foreshadowing, since we all know Craig's best work is "Fill me in".

As you can imagine he was running his mouth during his son's game, so after he was given a polite request to continue the discussion outside, he responded with another bad decision, so let's say he was encouraged to sit down, and reflect on his life choices.

He took the encouragement straight on the chin just like Khan did from Canelo. The encouragement caused him to fold like a cheap accordion. You could see the aftermath of the encouragement all over the floor, all over the felt, all over my hoodie. But to be fair, the way he conducts himself, I assume he gets encouraged all the time. If anything I think he should be encouraged more often.

Continuing the homage to pop music, we all know Mary J Blige's best work is "Family affair", so in stepped his Mrs to calm the situation, sorry not calm, I mean pick up the cues and launch them across the boozer at our team in a frenzy the situation, which worked out great for muggins here, who had to spend 5 mins on my ones, trying to find half my cue before I could leave. Awkward…. Well not as awkward as the next meeting will be.

During the pandemonium, we got awarded the last 2 frames by default, every frame counts people. The official final score was 6-3 but in my eyes it was 6-4.

Just in case anyone was curious, we are not welcome back there.

I Fucking love pool night.

NEXT FIXTURE: Home vs Star II 23/4/25